@Xanadu, I have lived my version of your life and I can tell you that healing is possible. But the healing is for you, not your mom unless she chooses to seek it. An alcoholic must hit bottom before seeking help. Some alcoholics have a very deep bottom. Some alcoholics have dual diagnoses. However, if you seek recovery for all your accumulated life wounds, sometimes the alcoholic follows, sometimes not.

My father was a rage-filled alcoholic. I've been a member of Al-Anon for 40+ years. I've also worked at a drug and alcohol rehab. I've written a book of daily reflections for adult children of alcoholics. And I've been through my own therapeutic process.

Based on my accumulated experience, I hope you will seriously consider going to an organization called "Al-Anon." There are meetings literally all over the world! I don't know how old you son is, but he may be eligible to go to Al-Ateen. There are often both meetings in the same location. An Al-anon meeting is a place you can go to begin healing from the affects of alcoholism. Alcoholism isn't considered a family disease for nothing: it affects EVERONE in the family. It is a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual disease.

Al-Anon has in-person, phone, phone, and Zoom meeting. You can find meetings here: https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/. You can also read more about Al-Anon at my profile, Lisa Neff, iPEC Core Energy Life Coach. I write about Alanon because I coach families and friends of alcoholics.

Best of luck to you. At the end of most Al-Anon meetings, we join hands to say the Serenity Prayer. I'll paraphrase here: Higher Power, please grant @Xanadu serenity to accept the things he/she cannot change, courage to change the things he/she can, and wisdom to knoww the difference. This is what I wish for you and your son, Xanadu.