Recovery Reading 03/18/24: A Message From the Homefront

Does this touch you?

Created by author on Night Cafe

“So that is what it is called — ‘Alcoholism.’ For 30 years of marriage I always knew my husband’s drinking was different, but I was not sure what it was. I dare not call him an alcoholic, as he is in denial and says the only one with a problem is me. I guess he is right. Now I am goofier than he is. At least he seems happy in his own little drinking world, where he believes that I am his only problem.

We were so much in love when we married. It was easy to forgive and forget the drinking outbursts then, and making up was great. As the years went by, something changed. He became aggressive and hurtful — -lashing out at the children and Mum. I preferred it when it was time for him to pick on me, as the pain I felt when he hurt the children was worse to bear.

I tried everything to stop the drinking. I spiked his drink to knock him out so we could have a peaceful night. I locked him out of the house, but he smashed down the door. I drove around aimlessly in the middle of the night, leaving and coming back, over and over. The list goes on, but nothing I did ever worked.

I kept burying the hurts, the resentments, and the anger deep inside me. I cleaned up, covered up, and pretended nothing was happening. I played the game so well that I even…